Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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