i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize