hotel room ftw
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Even my vagina gasped.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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