I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
