If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
