I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
