In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
