Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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