fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
