My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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