Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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