I wish life had little blips of pornography
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
