Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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