Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
