you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
