her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
