The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
