In the future we'll all be gay
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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