I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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