I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
