I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
