i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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