batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
