He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
