hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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