my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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