he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
