.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
