Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
