I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw a hot homeless man
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
