No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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