did you get engaged???
i just google imaged poop.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
