its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
