they need to just BURY HIM!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
