I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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