i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
