i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
