I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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