We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
