between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
