Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
