her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize