Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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