it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
