on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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