just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
