did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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