I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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