this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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