Michael Bay diarrhea
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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