turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
