i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
