I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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