mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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