Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My breasts were aching with rage.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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