No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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