I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
