cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
