I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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