Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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