My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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