Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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