I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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