then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
