I have demons in me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
