12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
