he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
