I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize