Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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