I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
