so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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