Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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