dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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