I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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