when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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