Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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