My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
