I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
