That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
