Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
