worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
