is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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