His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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