How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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