So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
