you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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