I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
