She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
