just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
