Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
