Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
