You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My dick has a subreddit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
