P.S. I can't hear my feet
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
being pregnant is like rehab
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize