Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
