You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
