just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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