matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
