How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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