There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
So. Much. Porn.
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