he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
