Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
