It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My vagina is officially offended.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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