Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
