Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
