She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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