He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
