The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
