he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
