I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
