thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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