how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
