How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
